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And thanks to the unsurpassed expertise of @donalmulligan, here's a comprehensive #Eurovision primer for those seeking to learn more about this important annual event:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1bsuSIdMnqrMShy_lASEEhNed68oX7vfXz3qWnZvgFk4/htmlview#
finland!
* bangs table *
Finland!!
FINLAND!!!
Greetings, Europe, from the #Ireland jury!
Käärijä and Conor MacSweeney are the same person, don't @ me
#Käärijä
#Eurovision
#Finland
#Ireland
#TheYoungOffenders
#MastoDaoine
Marty Whelan saying somebody is a "huge TikTok person" will never not be funny.
#Portugal - it's a sim from me! 
#Switzerland there, attempting to be earnest and worthy, but singing about not wanting to be "a soldier on the frontline" in an Extremely Neutral Country.
I don't think you've anything to worry about, hun.
#Israel are up now, presumably taking a short break from murdering children.
Sorry, #Moldova this flutey business don't impress me much.
EVERYONE RESUME WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
It's the Terrible Pear.
(That's a niche reference.)
Oh no. The well-intentioned #Czechia entry re-worked their staging and it's so much worse. 
Brave falsetto, but there's not much else to say about this one, sorry #Netherlands
* sighs resignedly in Irish *
Seconds out, Round 2 - here we go! 
Oh dear, poor #Denmark has the vocal skills of me in the shower, the poor poppet.
Oh, I was nodding off nicely to #Armenia and then she goes and kicks off with all of that carry-on.
@clickhere@mastodon.ie#Belgium now, having the best time on stage, with a number for the elder gays.
We thank you, Belgium.
#Cyprus - so focused on arm day, he forgot to put on shoes.
He may have good boxing technique, but can he perform?
Well, he's giving the worst lying-down-singing of the contest so far, and WHAT is that enunciation?
But I suppose I have to forgive him, since he's only a wee chungfla.
I very strongly wanted to dislike #Slovenia but this is really quite catchy, and they seem to be a gas enough bunch of messers.
Wait.
#Georgia
I don't understand what's happening.
I'm so confused.
#SanMarino with an ad for never visiting San Marino.
If the Corrs performed with their parents, who made it really obvious that Andrea is their favourite child.
I don't understand it, but I don't hate it.
Her kickboxing technique needs work, like this song needs a bridge or more key-changes.
Another belter, so do Monika justice, #Lithuania !
I refuse to acknowledge Australia's participation in this event.
Wait.
Except to say their staging involves a *car* and cars are trash, so therefore this is trash.
Excelente, muito bom e obrigada, O #Portugal! 
Oh ffs, it's this lad who doesn't want to be a soldier *from #Switzerland*
Boooooooooooooooooo
Brace yourself for Mister Arms. 
@clickhere The guy does a toe day, no worries
If he dropped a weight on his toes, he might be able to hit those high notes..
@clickhere Hard agree! One of my favs from tonight
The Aussies should be set aside as an interval act, or something. Robbing a place from contestants.
@clickhere Iceland needs to send more of their original weird stuff. Tonight’s entry was forgettable. To be fair, most of them were.
Ah well, I think that may be a little harsh, but I'm absolutely in support of weirder! The weirder the better.
There was a lot to consider..!