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#Switzerland there, attempting to be earnest and worthy, but singing about not wanting to be "a soldier on the frontline" in an Extremely Neutral Country.
I don't think you've anything to worry about, hun.
#Israel are up now, presumably taking a short break from murdering children.
Sorry, #Moldova this flutey business don't impress me much.
EVERYONE RESUME WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
It's the Terrible Pear.
(That's a niche reference.)
Oh no. The well-intentioned #Czechia entry re-worked their staging and it's so much worse. 
Brave falsetto, but there's not much else to say about this one, sorry #Netherlands
* sighs resignedly in Irish *
Seconds out, Round 2 - here we go! 
Oh dear, poor #Denmark has the vocal skills of me in the shower, the poor poppet.
Oh, I was nodding off nicely to #Armenia and then she goes and kicks off with all of that carry-on.
#Belgium now, having the best time on stage, with a number for the elder gays.
We thank you, Belgium.
#Cyprus - so focused on arm day, he forgot to put on shoes.
He may have good boxing technique, but can he perform?
Well, he's giving the worst lying-down-singing of the contest so far, and WHAT is that enunciation?
But I suppose I have to forgive him, since he's only a wee chungfla.
I very strongly wanted to dislike #Slovenia but this is really quite catchy, and they seem to be a gas enough bunch of messers.
Wait.
#Georgia
I don't understand what's happening.
I'm so confused.
#SanMarino with an ad for never visiting San Marino.
If the Corrs performed with their parents, who made it really obvious that Andrea is their favourite child.
I don't understand it, but I don't hate it.
Her kickboxing technique needs work, like this song needs a bridge or more key-changes.
Another belter, so do Monika justice, #Lithuania !
I refuse to acknowledge Australia's participation in this event.
Wait.
Except to say their staging involves a *car* and cars are trash, so therefore this is trash.
Excelente, muito bom e obrigada, O #Portugal! 
Oh ffs, it's this lad who doesn't want to be a soldier *from #Switzerland*
Boooooooooooooooooo
Brace yourself for Mister Arms. 
I don't know anything about this lad, apart from his surly looks.
Yeah, good luck #Estonia following that Italian bear
#Czechia - demonstrating hair as a weapon 
I refuse to acknowledge the participation of #Australia in this event.
#Belgium now, doing a solid number for the elder queers. 
Here we have an example ne-plus-ultra of lying-down-while-singing now by #Armenia
You may increase the bass and lower the tin whistle, but you won't win me over, #Moldova
I am a terrible person.
I really, really do want to like the #Ukraine entry, but I'm really, really struggling.
(Please don't @ me.)
Merrily reviving ancient traumas of #Viking invasions of #Ireland, we now have #Norway's #Eurovision entry.
Ah, here we have #Germany now, with it's extremely sailing-close-to-the-Blood-and-Honour-or-Blood-and-Soil-wind, no?
You can do it, Monika, ya belter!
Next up, #Israel presumably taking another short break from murdering children in Gaza.
I want to vote for Hannah Whatsherboobies
Just before the #Ukraine act were about to perform on stage at #Eurovision tonight, Russia bombed their home city of #Ternopil
Condragulations to Loreen and her abs, and commiserations to Käärijä / #Finland who were robbed lads
@clickhere
You're not alone.
Thank you for your sympathy and support.
@clickhere you are in league with Putin
How very dare you.
@clickhere truth hurts
@clickhere surprisingly low key performance. Somewhat Petshop Boys vibes too 
@clickhere Israeli ultra right-wingers having kittens at sight of her dancing at Masada
On the Sabbath, ffs. Imagine.
@clickhere lol same. She is beautiful.
@clickhere fckin ell
Yeah, it's hardcore and horrific.